live from the cathode-ray carpet: the Media Man at the 2005 OSCARS

I’m writing this live from my job as I watch 2005’s Academy Award telecast! Yeah, I know I’m at work and I should be working…but it’s the Oscars! And hey Chris Rock, straight men do watch the Oscars…we just turn during the musical numbers.

Chris Rock was mad funny, especially the joke about Michael Moore not being mad about not getting nominated for Fahrenheit /911. Rock said that Moore he should have made the documentary Super-Size Me instead, “…He’s done all the research.” He also dissed everyone from Jude law (“Why is he in every movie?”), to Ja Rule, to brilliantly enough, himself.

Well to start off with the heavy categories, Morgan Freeman finally won an Oscar and it was for his Best Supporting Actor performance in Million Dollar Baby. I haven’t seen it, but I just hope that he isn’t the “Magical Negro” in it like so many other black actors are in films with mostly white casts. Truth be told, I always enjoy Clint Eastwood movies. Aside from them being just plain good, he doesn’t exploit his black actors or characters and for that he gets my respect. Still, I haven’t seen MDB.

The producers did an interesting thing this year. Cate Blanchett presented the Make-up award from atop the steps next to the people who were nominated. The camera simply panned down the rows to the three sets of nominees. How simple and beautiful it looked. Okay, maybe what I just said seemed a lil boring, but hey, aside from being a screenwriter (and a damned good observer/critic) I’m also trained in filmmaking. I love the technical aspects of moviemaking and…okay, okay I’ll shut up now.

Beyonce tore up that song from the French movie The Chorus. Did I hear correctly that Chris Rock had to force his hand to have the producers of this telecast to bring in more black presenters and performers (Prince was one)? I heard this somewhere and if that’s the case it just reaffirms what most of us still know about the industry, much less the world. I guess they felt that the 4 black folks nominated for acting Oscar’s, plus having a Black host, more than filled the quota. Don’t adjust your screens folks, yes, there are more than 5 black folks on the telly. I just realized that I must be gay now, I just watched a musical number. Can I use Beyonce on stage as an excuse? Hey, at least I have no idea “who” she was wearing.

Damn the Oscars are black this year! Chris Rock went to the Magic Johnson theatre to interview people about their fav movies. He interviewed mostly black folks, and Albert Brooks…and they all loved White Chicks. I don’t know if the skit was as funny or just sad. Ah well. By the way, Scarlett Johanssan is a pretty girl, but man, as an actor she is way overrated. Loved her in Ghost World though (where are you Thora Birch?)!

Actress in a Supporting Role: I know Cate Blanchett will win for The Aviator. She’s literally one of the best actors in the world right now. Her portrayal of Katherine Hepburn (another of my favs) was truly dynamic. They could have shown a better clip for Hotel Rwanda’s Sophie Okenedo. This is racial (running joke: see 1990’s Boomerang). See, I was right – Cate Blanchett won!

Wow. Born Into Brothels won as best Documentary Feature Film. I wanted to go see that for the longest. Guess I’ve spent too much time writing reviews of bad movies to go see that good one. Who’s gonna take me to the movies to go see it this week? This is what I hate though…I can’t go see it now because it’s going to seem pretentious that I’m going to see it because it won. Now I’ll have to wait for HBO to air it. Life’s a b!#ch ain’t it?

Another musical number is on? Should I watch Romeo Must Die on TNT or Bad Boys on TBS? Oh, there’s a SummerLand marathon on the WB and Full House on Nickelodeon. Can’t get enough Lori Loughlin in a night! Ah, Miami is playing the Orlando Magic. That’ll work.

Best Adapted Screenplay. As a writer I especially love this category. I hope before Sunset wins, but I know it won’t. Yep, director/writer Alexander Payne and co-writer Jim Taylor won for Sideways. Hey, I respect Payne’s films so I’m happy for him. Election is still one of my favorites of his.

Another original thing they’re doing this year is for the lesser loved categories like Visual Effects is that they line up all the nominees on stage and the winner just walks over to the podium to accept (they also did for the Docu Feature category). Spider-Man 2 just won for that category. Man, I still shake when I watch that film. The special effects, especially the elevated train sequence, is possibly the best effects I’ve ever seen on the silver screen.

Sidney Lumet just won the Lifetime Achievement Award. Al Pacino presented it and dang, he has gotten A LOT of “work” done. He looks 50 years old. Lumet, for all of those unfamiliar with him, is the director of such seminal films like Twelve Angry Men, Fail-Safe, Dog Day Afternoon, and of course, Network. His films always make you feel truly close to the character. He also directed The Wiz. I guess none of us are perfect.

Oh My God, Big Momma’s House is on TeleMundo. It doesn’t get much better than this. If I’m watching this, you know another musical number is on.

Hey! I had no clue that ex-New York Knick player Hubert Davis made a film! He and his film partner made a Short Documentary film named HARDWOOD about the life decisions made by his father, Mel, and how they affected his life. Mel, a former Harlem Globetrotter, fell in love and had a child with a white woman, but ended up marrying and fathering another child with a black woman. In the film, both women speak about love and betrayal, and both sons address their absent father. Gotta peep this.

Do you realize it’s 10:40pm EST and they’ve only given out two hardcore awards. Now I remember why I don’t watch American awards shows. Sheesh!

Well, it’s 10:55 and another musical number. Beyonce is truly too fine. Check her out in that silver dress. Nice and thick and hippy, just like I love ‘em. She’s actually made me watch a whole minute of a musical number. “Believe” from The Polar Express is a nice song though. And thankfully it’s not Randy Newman singing yet another Disney song.

Finally, the Best Actress category is on tap. I hope Annette Benning doesn’t win for a film no one saw and the ones that saw didn’t care for (Being Julia). It would be such a throw-away win. Nice, Hilary Swank won for Million Dollar Baby. Ain’t it funny that her face looks more masculine than her husband Chad Lowe’s own, and vice-versa? She’s a great actress though, even when she was in ‘Beverly Hills 90210’. In my opinion, I saw a lot of potential from her since The Next Karate Kid. Congrats Hilary, you’re a great talent.

Charlie Kaufman won for Best Original Screenplay for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. He’s a nut, but he is a great writer. He got nominated for Adaptation last time and that was one of my favorite films of that year.

11:21 and the Best Actor category is FINALLY up. I hope my man Don Cheadle wins, but Jamie Foxx is the front-runner. I don’t want Don to win simply because he’s black or anything, but his performance in Hotel Rwanda was one of the most dynamic I’ve seen on film my entire life. But, Jamie got it which isn’t much of surprise. He almost cried again, which is really annoying and feels kinda fake at this point, but I’m so happy for him. Who woulda thunk that ‘Wanda’ from In Living Color could have won the Oscar?

Clint just won the Best Director award and then won again for Best Film. Dang, Million Dollar Baby swept for 4 solid categories. I may just have to go check it out this week. Like I said before, I trust Clint anyway so I know it won’t be a waste of $10.25/10.50 or whatever.

This was a really good Oscar telecast, definetly one of my favorites. The best part was the end when Chris Rock shouted out BROOKLYN! at the end of the show. Damn Chris…that’s MAD LOVE!